Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
