I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
