I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
