You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
