Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
