I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
