She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
