my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I didn't notice because vodka
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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