remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
