Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
