This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I deserve this hangover.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
