I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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