Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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