why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
