he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize