She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
