I CAN MOONWALK!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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