I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ttyl tear gas
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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