UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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