Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
