I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
