I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
