sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
