I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
