We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob