Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.