my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize