I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
