So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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