My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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