she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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