can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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