Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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