I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
