Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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