You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
