I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
home. puking in laundry basket.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize