Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
foreskin is a definite game changer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
