the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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