Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
