I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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