I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
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im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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