Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
