that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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