He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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