Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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