thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
