I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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