I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
