i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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