No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
