her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
