just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
