Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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