who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it was like eating out sand paper
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
