There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
