She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just pee around me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
