Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Randomize
