note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
