'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
4 words: hood of his car
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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