Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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