so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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